Week 12 has arrived and is a landmark in the timeline for most addicts. The 12 step program normally revolves around this time span, and is used as a point to review reflect and make next steps for long term abstinence and continued recovery. I’m  fully aware that I’m finding that balance and consistency in my daily routines. My new habits are becoming normalized and feel a part of me, at home in my mind and body. That’s not to say I don’t miss some of my previous behaviors. I’m not talking about the drinking and the drugs, but perhaps the late nights dancing into the moonlight, or random nights out by myself, talking to strangers, making new friends, however I do have to accept that was normally accompanied by intoxication. I want to in some way replicate those moments without the aid of mind changing chemicals and be able to freely have a fantastic night boogieing the night away, without necessarily being in a nightclub, festival or warehouse hanger.

As I write this I reminisce about the fantastic time I had on Reunion Island, looking out at the sunset with the waves crashing on the rocks. It was exhilarating. That truly was a natural high and the kind of environment that gave me the sensations I miss. Earthly beauty, sun and heat beating down on my bones. Vibrant life climbing to the heavens all around. Happy faces, happy people. A positive energy all around.

I think the weather has become a significant addition to my outlook on enjoying life, which probably shouldn’t be the case given what I have learnt and how far I’ve come in these last 3 months, but it affects me more greatly. If the sun is out, I am generally more enthusiastic about the day ahead, but if it is miserable outside I am a little less excited about how the day will evolve. Previously, when I was drinking and smoking weed every day, the weather wouldn’t bother me, as my soul focus was getting high and indulging in the various hobbies I have, making music, creating extravagant dishes, gaming, watch making (yes watch making, another little hobby I have), chess or any other creative pursuit, but now it does. Consequently I am more open to a traveling life, discovering more that this wonderful world has to offer. It excites me and my partner too who has always loved to travel and adores hot countries.

Altogether I feel well on my way to my new life. I’m excited for the future and what pathways will present themselves. Such as the one we had yesterday with family at Granary Square in Kings cross, where we stumbled across a mobile disco – #Eddieslovebus, where we danced to classic funk and alike, this was followed by a visit to the Beyond the Bassline exhibition at the British Library, a fantastic curation of the history of Black Music and it’s origins spanning the last 500 years. London was alive and energised, good vibes a plenty.

I’m finding myself again and unlocking parts of me that have remained buried for so long. It’s as if I am remembering a book that I had forgotten about, one I very much loved and cherished. I am looking forward to reading it again and rediscovering it chapter by chapter.