When I first gave up drinking, my friend said to me that when he had done the same, he later discovered that for him, there were benefits to drinking, in small amounts. This was largely down to when he was socialising, being at parties etc. He found that the drinking culture is so heavily immersed in Britain, that is difficult to go anywhere and participate socially without having a drink.   It is true the alcohol reduces inhibitions, and induces dopamine allowing folk to have an even better time, and so it is completely understandable why alcohol is a main stay at any function, whether daytime BBQS, or gig or show in town. Don’t even get me started on sports! During these last five months of abstinence, I have been to parties etc. but after 3 hours, I get bored. Partly because I’ve been there for a long time, but also, as more time goes on, and people get steadily more drunk, I notice the intoxication more. It amplifies and I don’t fit in. The gap between my sobriety and their intoxication just widens, as the night progresses. I connect less with people. Its not as easy to ride the same line. I’ve noticed this especially when it drifts into hour five and six.

So I thought, imagine if you had a party, invited 100 people and said to them that none of them could drink, I wonder how long everyone would stay. Would the party be less fun on the whole? It would be interesting to do an experiment and put that on for people, the same people, and see how they respond. So for now, it is a little frustrating to attend these events for any longer than 2/3 hours. As I said, concerts and gigs tend to be a little easier, as you are seeing a band, there is entertainment, whereas parties revolve around the consumption of alcohol and banter. This is proving difficult for me. I have small episodes of self-consciousness. Just because I’m so alert. In some way I would like to be a little bit tipsy in these situations, but not drunk.  But as it stands I cannot go back. I’m still learning a life without alcohol and it’s doing a world of good for me.

When I initially gave up drinking my aim was to give up temporarily, for a month and then once clean, begin drinking socially only, like everyone else. Only at parties and restaurants, and never, never alone.

The truth is, I’m still scared to have a drink, I occasionally think about it, and it puts me on edge. I guess I fear that I will likely not stop at one. In noticing that I do not connect as much with people when they are out drinking, it  makes me feel side stepped, missing out on the most memorable of times that people have in their lives. The gold dust to life. The party is where the good times happen, where people connect, remember and reminisce about for years to come. They become nostalgic reference points for us all.

And so here my journey continues, we’re having a BBQ next week and so another social function. We’ve invited friends from the school and their kids, so it should be a great time, weather permitting. I’m looking forward to flexing my skills on the hot coals and providing fanfare for the masses. I’ll probably have double zero beers, but not many and hopefully, won’t have any dodgy moments.