Summer is almost in full swing. Parties are upon us and we have our very own summer BBQ approaching this weekend. The surrounding gardens are coming to life with laughter and joy. Low bass rumbles across the hedgerows in waves, caressing the air sweetly as it leaps from garden to garden. I’m glad my neighbours have fun and share golden times with their loved ones.

This weekend we have the annual BBQ party with school parents and their kids. It’s usually an all dayer. There will naturally be drinking, but I’m not phased. I’ve fully acclimatised to being a non drinker, it no longer really bothers me, unless people are completely wasted, then I’m done, but to be fair I don’t really move in those circles anymore. Or perhaps everyone else has grown up and those circles have dissipated. I was probably one of the last ones hanging on to that youthful, hedonistic existence. In an undercover way. Sure, I wasn’t doing three day benders on the bugle, but I was clocking up units constructively and en masse. And so now I imagine the BBQ will be a tame affair, but still immersed with good vibes and banter.

The anticipation factor I felt for those double zero beers back on Reunion Island has gone. I don’t cluck for them. Even when I think a beer would go down nicely right now, it’s ok if I don’t have one. I am however coming round to thinking that at a party or a gig, wherever music and dancing is involved, I wouldn’t mind some spiritual elelevation, and perhaps some ganja. Proper ganja, not hydro skunkified mind melting, prang attacking GM super bud. Just good quality, high grade. Natural, outdoor herb. But clearly if I do, it can’t turn into an addiction. Special times only.

And so the BBQ came along. It was a glorious day and my partner and I worked really well together getting everything ready and on time. We had a perfect day, everyone came who was invited, the house and garden were full, the vibes were a flowing. And then along came a spider. A friend offered me a toke on his weed pen. I thought why not, we were DJing and dancing by now so I thought what the hell. Then bang it hit me. Anxiety first, then palpitations, blurred vision, loss of balance. I was caked. As someone who had smoked weed, ital, for most of their adult life, I could tell this was something else. My friend said, ‘it’s probably because you ain’t had any in a while.’ But I knew it wasn’t that. I asked him where he got it, he told me under the counter in Soho. The prang attack lasted only 15 minutes, then gone. I wasn’t even stoned. It was awful. An intense panic attack followed by nothing. I began to read up about these disposable vape pens and discovered they are 50/50 whether you get a THC/CBD or straight up Spice. Not the girls. If you don’t know what spice is look it up. Ghastly stuff. Synthetic Cannabis but not THC/CBD. Side effects? all of the above. I’m convinced that is what I had and will never again take a drag on one of those pens, unless I really can trust it is dope. I did however recover quickly and enjoyed the rest of the party. All of our guests were really thankful and one by one left into the moonlight.

It’s coming up to 6 months of abstinence now. I do feel so much better and will continue on this path. My family situation has greatly improved, however there is still some distance between myself and my partner. I am ok with this, but do wonder that it has been so long, perhaps if we do not work at it, it could be more difficult to get back as we drift apart. I’m in no rush though, and have plenty to focus on now that the summer is here. We’re going to France for four weeks on a road trip and I’m looking forward to all the great experiences we will encounter, touring the different regions of the home to gastronomy.