This week we have been preparing to embark on our adventure around France. There have been tasks to tie up in the final remaining days, the usual admin before leaving this workaholic isle. The pressures associated with human kind still surround me and I crave a world in which I can truly be free. I don’t mean in a self-centred, gluttonous, greedy way, but more in a human kind way, where we can all work together to our strengths and establish a life away from currency, land grab and possession based ideology. A kind of cherished based, collective existence, where equality and diversity exist harmoniously. No one person more valuable than the next. I guess altogether an unrealistic Eutopia. Perhaps one day, somewhere. It’s good to dream and have faith..

This week I have been reflecting greatly on how fortunate I am. I have been so reckless in my life that I am surprised to even be here. Now that I am awoken, I am realizing how precious all of the small things around me are, all the ponds with people I know, from my closest to distant acquaintances, they all have significant value. A fleeting conversation with someone new is unique, passes and can’t be recaptured. I learn so much from these moments, where in the past I didn’t care for them. These experiences I took for granted. And now I value them more than ever. Wondrous encounters that can’t be changed, edited or revisited. Once they pass, they are gone, confined to memories. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and I’m becoming more aware of this shared energy that ties us all, that I understand better how all our actions affect us and each other. The golden thread, invisible, but tangible. Especially now in abstinence and looking after myself, in some strange way I feel more vulnerable, probably because I care more for everything around me, not just my family, but all life that encapsulates my surrounding, whether it be the smallest of plants in my garden to my nearest and dearest, it really matters to me what all well-being is and the ripple effect. That of connectivity, which we all hold upon eachother.

I am perhaps feeling this way because one of my friends is moving closer to the end. He has had terminal cancer for a while, and has moved into palliative care. It’s way before his time, he’s a similar age to me and sadly has succumbed to life’s cruel selection, despite being one of the healthiest positive and kindest people I know. Life is not fair and that’s why it is so precious. You can do all you can in this world to impart positivity on yourself and others, but in the end you never know when it will be your time. This is something that I am learning about myself and accept and understand, because if I’m being honest, I really fear death, now that I value life. It’s a far cry from those days when I was drinking and welcomed the idea of demise. There were days where I didn’t care if I woke up or not. Such was my mood and depression, that I found solace in the arms of the idea of non-existence. Today I am the polar opposite. Perhaps so much so, that I want to be truly at peace with whatever comes next, whether it be longevity, or not. I know in my heart that as long as I’m doing the right thing that’s all that I can do. No regrets, move forward and share love..

I have hit a creative wave recently and am busy most days tinkering in the studio, practicing and refining various musical instruments. I’m finding time to keep my mind healthy too, I’m still hitting the gym daily along with meditating and all my other hobbies from cooking to gardening, watch making to reading. I keep telling myself that I need to share this with the world and put everything on Instagram, however I enjoy so much what I’m doing, I have no time for admin, except my weekly blog, which is part of my recovery. I guess one day I will change that, as it’s important to share and symbolise the journey I have been on beyond these pages…

A bientot mes amis, jusqu’a ce qué nous revoyions

…France next week, until then my friends..