One of the reasons that I love being creative is that I can escape the emotional part of my brain. Rather channel it, through a creative outlet such as music, drawing, writing etc. I have discovered that, channelling creativity has become a crucial part of my recovery and self-discipline in life. I’m so very grateful that I’ve finally discovered how to get the best out of myself and move forward for the remainder of my life. Through the taming of my ego driven subconscious I have unleashed a creative wilderness unfamiliar to me. I know this must sound arrogant but I’m speaking from the heart. I feel free. My sub conscious flow seems effortless and I can switch it on or off like a tap. I’m possibly at the most creative part of my journey so far and it feels good. It’s allowed me time to clear my mind to explore other aspects of life. I’m even reading more, which completely surprised me.

And so I’m starting again. It’s proving fun to test myself. I used to be terrified of change. I don’t know why I feared it so much because change is exciting, like moving house, getting a new job, exploring a new hobby, I’ve always found the unknown exciting. I guess the same could be said for drugs. It’s a change of environment with different senses stimulated.

Overall what I am realizing is, we all should experiment more. Because I don’t want to look back and think ‘oh, finally I have tried to do this or try to do that,’ I want to feel that I had a go and made memories of those times before my time is up.

In some way this brings me back to thinking about my dear friend Richy Pitch. RIP. Because he achieved so much in his life and he was only 55 when he passed. This Thursday is his birthday and in a couple of days we’ve planned to post his speeches from his funeral on his timeline, which is a fantastic idea. And so it’s no surprise that I’m feeling connected to life and making the most of it. I’m deeply immersed and committed to acting upon dreams and doing my best to turn them into the best experiences they can be. Afterall, that is all that life can possibly be anout right?

I used to be terrified of having to try something new, try and get a new job or develop my CV, or put myself forward for a gig, something in the limelight. I had DJ’d my entire life since 13 and it was always the same, I would get butterflies before a gig, feel anxious about going on stage, however once up there I always flourished and loved it, but for some reason the lead up, waiting all day to get down there soundcheck get on stage was tiresome for me. Similarly, I would do this in my work life put things off, procrastinate somewhat, finally learning to fight against this paralysing limbo.  My new found acknowledgement in self awareness tells me to move when I’m feeling stagnant and it’s helping me to do, rather than wait. I am also practising to be more patient with my mind. When I was younger, the anxiety I felt towards being centre stage was driven by a fear of putting a foot wrong, rather than enjoying being in the present and connecting with my audience. Slowly, I am unlearning that and am looking forward to start performing more again. Music is my biggest passion in life and I want it to be given the space and attention it deserves.

With that in mind I have booked a ticket next week to go to see a friend of mine who lives in Greece over the summer. I’ve been there many times and I can’t wait to get out there and illuminate in the remainder of the summer sun. In the past I never would have just booked an impromptu holiday, but the way I’m living now it seems second nature to me. The ticket was only £88 return and if all goes to plan, next week I’ll be sitting in the sun writing this blog and making beats.