Tapping into my sub conscious and allowing instinct to guide me. This is my attempt at the new me. I am learning how to let my immediate sensations lead me, moment to moment. I’m more impulsive, I love living like this. Sure, I have daily tasks to complete, however I do not plan the when and where. I tend to have an array of things to do, whether work, play or social, however I let my instincts tell me what to work on when and then I go with it. No stalling, I tend to then move around from job to job, taking breaks having multiple activities on the go and I love it. The art of plate spinning. It reminds me of my teaching days where I would have multiple students, all with their different learning styles, where you would have to adjust your delivery for each student to get the best out of them. It could entail completely different activities for each one. Essentially lessons within a lesson. Everyone working on slightly different tasks. It’s a little chaotic, but altogether organised confusion.

I guess I’m playing with my boundaries and seeing how far I can push myself. I’m also not settling for second best, I’m ensuring that whatever I’m doing, I’m doing well and to the best that it deserves. Sometimes that requires many revisits and delicate touches, but finally I want no regrets and to not work on things that have no interest to me. So right now, that’s my well-being and my music.

I have felt quite balanced for sometime now and I’m quite content at all the progress I’m making daily. I don’t struggle for things to do and to be honest, I’m being a little bit selfish with my own time.. what I mean by this, is I could be spending more time with my family, but I’m so close to finishing my album, I just want to immerse myself in the moment and see the project to a close. No errors with no imperfections, at least in my field of view. I’ve learnt from the past that once you’ve finished a track, or a project, that’s it. You cannot go back, so again, no regrets.

I never thought I’d be able to complete an album without the aid of some sort of intoxication, but here I am. A clean me and powerful clean album. It’s funny how the album mirrors my condition. Sonically it glistens; is punchy and clean. There is good control of effects and depth, with a wide array of conveyed emotions, spanning all of my feelings. It’s by far my most musical body of work I have produced and I’m really proud of what I’ve achieved. The journey really helped me find purpose and direction and despite whatever happens next with it, I’m really benefiting from the process.

I’m so glad that I don’t live day to day regretting the lost time to drink. I loved drinking and was and still am an addict. But mingling between the love for alcohol, were the hours and hours each evening where drink was my priority, my creativity sidelined and my mind constantly telling me that I wasn’t getting the best out of myself. Heavy guilt followed me everywhere, like a lost miserable puppy in my shadow. I’m so relieved that Is now over. Next week I’m researching animation and starting to make a showreel for my music. That’s all new to me. I’m looking forward to finding possibilities and what inspiration they might bring.