As the weeks roll by, I continue to wallow in expectation. I frequently find myself dreaming about scenarios, what could be, what will be and what may. I try to remind myself not to judge inward too much and that all thoughts are valid and natural. Just let them be, exist and drift by. And so I reel myself back in and give focus to the now.

I’ve noticed that my ability for calming my mind has suffered somewhat recently. Both my meditation classes have been closed down by my gym and I miss them. I still meditate most days, but it’s not the same. The sound meditation really connected with my physical side, and guided meditation gave me discipline and belonging. I may have to source elsewhere if the banishment of wellbeing classes continues. Which I can’t quite understand, I might add, as the gym is a huge well known luxury gym, with 20 daily classes on all sorts of activity, but now none for mental wellness.

My showreel is slowly progressing. I’ve decided on zoetropes on vinyl, but in the process have realised that I can press DVS control audio into the picture disc, thus having the ability to use in a live scenario, so am pursuing that angle with Djay Algoriddim (the developer of the leading mixing brand). I think this will be a world first, but we’ll have to see. I’m excited to finally dip my toe into AV, when my creative career to date had mainly focused on Audio. Producing a video and using various technical software to market and brand is a first for me, so is exciting in exploring what it / I can do. I have to also remind myself that it’s also ok to stand still. I don’t have to be progressing all the time. It’s equally important occasionally to stand still, enjoy the moment. If not more so.

My time in Marrakech was magical, enchanted, fairytale like. I don’t know if I could live there, but it’s as if I need a visit once a year. I feel connected there now spiritually and want to visit more often. Now that I don’t drink, it’s even more appealing being an alcohol free country. I also feel safe there, much more so than England and don’t feel the threat of robbery, burglary or danger from others. The police are effective and the threat of crime, low.

Im hoping that I can continue to travel, absorb and create as my new way of life. Of course I have children to raise with my partner, but as they get older it becomes easier and so hopefully together as a family we can find a way to explore the world more often.

Right now though, my finances are poor. I live off a low annual wage, below average for the country, yet I live in London, the most expensive part of the country. I manage to only work 3 days a week so to some degree, this is self inflicted, but after 35 years of hard daily work followed by evening intoxication, what I need is time to myself, now that I’m free of both. So I guess I’m time rich. I do need to find a way of making more money though, as I worry about it, and each month is tough going from pay-check to pay-check.

The time that I have now gained each week is going into writing this blog, spending time with family, tennis, workouts, making beats, cooking, playing computer games, reading, catching up with friends, that’s alot of time each week when you add it up! So there is little time for work. 3 days is about my maximum, so I have to be frugal with my finances which does bring stress. I’m hoping that some of the music I’m making can gain some traction, shake off the moss and get rolling. Time will tell, but first, I just have to get this Zoetrope cut, then I can explore my options in finishing the showreel.

And so for now, it’s Christmas, time to get ready, get a tree and indulge in family time, the present, not the past or the future, just the here, who and now. Bringing love, kindness and gratitude to each moment without judgement of myself or others. And possibly a little Christmas studio time and knock out a sleigh bell banger or two!

It will be my first Xmas without alcohol. I wonder how it will go down.. I guess time will tell.