This week I have a very busy time at work. It will be a welcome distraction from the overwhelming thoughts running through my mind. I’m trying to live in my body, rather than head. Meditation is helping me compartmentalize various issues swirling around, from my childhood, to my relationships, to my work, to the past. It is a little over a year ago that I left my job to save what I thought was my relationship. My plan at the time to carry on the way I was living, drinking albeit less, spending more time with my family, and have the best of both worlds. Addiction and love. Now I face the rugged reality of losing both, broken. Ironically I feel a new sense to me, freedom. It is as if I have lost everything, there’s nothing more to lose. Rebirth. Who am I?

I think I’ve been hiding myself from myself since I was 8 years old. Did I make a new person to protect my inner child? A strong robust individual who could cope with everything? It is time to reconnect to that point and discover who I truly am? I feel purged and subsequently empty and ready to receive.

The sound meditation and guided meditation that I have been doing daily is helping me to unlock parts of my brain that I have not felt or observed before. I am becoming more positive and seeing more beauty in small things and appreciating life. I am grateful. The ego is drifting away. I am releasing the toxicity encapsulating my body, mind, muscles, limbs and bones. I can feel it oozing away through the pores in my skin. I have never felt this way, is this what they call a natural high? Is it addictive? Am I doing too much, too fast? Should I slow down?

I decide to continue on my path, but am aware of this reality. Notice it. Take your time and absorb the journey. Let it happen, no judgement. I have been given a second chance and I must not waste it or be glutinous in its offering.